Cracker captain
Fictional Character
"Of Mice and Chicks"
Type of Appearance: Direct, unnamed
Occupation: Mercenary soldier

The captain of the crackers who had been hired by Baron Ritz in the range war against Baron Howard, wore a gray surcoat and a fancy plumed hat. The turning point in the battle came when Howard's mercenary Lani charged the captain, knocked him off his rabbit, broke his lance over her knee, grabbed him and kissed him, and told him he was cute. With this demoralizing blow, the Ritz crackers crumbled. The captain was taken prisoner and looked as if he wished he had been killed.

Lani's mentor Georgia imagined that the cracker captain would be forever branded as The Cute Mercenary, and doubted that he would ever be hired for that job again. She thought he should get into a new line of work, like accounting.